Emergancy Doctors appoinment

I know I was jus complaining.  And your probably sick of hearing about it.

What HPV has done to me

I know everyone else is. But IT HURTS SOOO BAD.  Plus I’m passing charcoal grey ashes, and it stinks, bad, really bad.  So my OB thinks it’s an infection.  I have an appointment today to find out.  I am soooo sick of this.  I just want my freakin body back.  I want my vagina to be back to it’s normal state and I want to be able to make love.  I want to be able to go to the bathroom and not find any surprises.  I want to be able to pull my pants down and not be able to have our neighbors smells me.  But most of all, I wish I was sill oblivous to HPV.  I wish I still had no idea wha it was or what it could do.  I wish I could erase the day I got the phone call.  I can’t go thru this anymore.  I read oher peoples stories about how they go years and years and they still have HPV.  I read about the countless pap smears and the women who always manange to be in that “small percentile”, and I freak out because their stories are soooo similar to mine.  I don’t want to still have to be dealing with this 5 years from now, or every 4 months.  I don’t want to have to wait weeks for the results.  I just want his to go the fuck away.  If I have to stick it out until we get the results from this LEEP and the results come back negative.  And all I have to go for is a pap or two, maybe I can hang.  But after all I read, I’m ready to tell them to take everyhing out if I have to go for a second or third LEEP.  Because EVERYTHING I’m reading tells me by the third LEEP it’s not going anywhere.  And if I have to be in this much pain everytime I’m going to jump off a bridge.

Still no inernet.  But like always I promise to update.

P.S.  My partner is still being awesome and wonderful.  Although I’m sure shes getting sick of my bitching by now.  But she is still being extra cue with he cuddles and love.  You should of seen how awesome she was for the LEEP.  Today is her birthday so I am crossing my fingers for a good appoitment so I don’t have to bitch anymore.

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January 30, 2008. Tags: , , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, HPV, Test Results.

2 Comments

  1. KD replied:

    Joianne, I know you are worried about fertility and you and your partner having future children. Please check out this website:

    http://chatty71180.typepad.com/

    Also known as Naturally Carolicious! Read Carole’s archives…somewhere she includes a link to her blog she kept while going through abnormal Paps and then a LEEP to remove cervical cancer, just two years ago. She and her husband are now the proud parents of a very healthy eleven month-old boy!

    I know this sounds trite, but you have to keep thinking positive thoughts. You have taken a great step in getting healthy. Let your body have a chance to heal. I have heard that grey discharge is completely normal after the LEEP…hopefully your OB was able to reassure you.

    Wishing you the best,
    KD

  2. joianne replied:

    Thank you sooo much for this link! Postive thoughts are bes bu someimes the hardest. Sometimes I need reminding. Thank you!

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