3 Years Strong

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Today is my 3 year anniversary with my partner.

It’s been three years since we met and in August it will be 2 years since we’ve been “married”.  I can’t believe it’s been 3 years.  3 whole years of ups and downs and highs and lows.  Each and every one of them (including the HPV) I would do over again.  Even through the worst of times there were lessons to be taught and new coping and communication skills we both needed so despratly.  We’ve both been in soo many bad and shot relationships that we lacked the skills to effectivly have a close knit long relationship.  So together we hav learned the skills we need tobe happy for the rest of our life.  I couldn’t of picked a better person to do that with.  HPV is such a good example.  We were on the verge of no coming back.  In all aspects we were over.  But then this nasty thing called HPV and her having horrible stomach problems happened.   And we were forced to be there for each other.  We didn’t have a choice. How could I let her go thru such pain and not be there for her when I’ve been there for her for almost 3 years now.  And vice versa.  I was about to go thru such a trying difficult time and she couldn’t leave me to suffer by myself. So the universe forced us to deal and cope and when all was said and done, the timing couldn’t of been perfect.  Our whole relationship has been that way.  The univerese has just been soo awesome to us.  The time line is just crazy.  I met her when I was 20 and she was 16.  She worked as a DJ in a local bowling alley for midnight cosmic bowling, which I attended faithfully with a few friends.  Pedophile as it might sound I really had a thing for her.  But I didn’t tell her.  She had a thing for me and showed it, although I didn’t catch on.  We had exchanged a kiss but at that point in my life I didn’t see a kiss as being much more, but I was scared of the feelings I had for someone soo young.  I didn’t find out until years later.  We had a bad argument and we stopped talking,  I had asked her to take me to my “sperm donors” house, not knowing she planned on spending time with me and my friends.  I didn’t know she liked me.  And even if I did the age difference was too much then.  So we went our seprateways and a few years later when my son was 2 1/2 i ran into her at KFC.  She was working the drive thru, something she never did.  I was going thru the drive through, a place I NEVER ate.  and from behind I could tell it was her, just by her arm.  We exchanged numbers and caught up.  And it was amazing!  My baby daddy drama was over because he had disapeared (and up until this day we have only heard from him about 4 times, he hasn’t seen my son in 4 years this April).  I was single and I had let go of men because I had never been “comfortable” with them.  And I knew it was woman I liked but I couldn’t put my finger on the kind.  She had followed the Lesbian life, something my friend and I had introduced her to at the bowling alley (she had never seen women kiss before we kissed), and became a BUTCH.  I had stayed girly and by all aspect are a FEMME.  But I never knew there was such a thing until then.  But it was in her eyes that I saw what I finally wanted.  I liked men for their exterior qualities, mostly the machoism, but the buck stopped there.  They could leave the rest at the door.  underneath I wanted a woman.  And thats what she was.  She looked like the biggest tomboy I had ever seen and it was such a turn on.  Plus it was HER.  Someone I had wanted so long ago and now she was legal.  We hooked up, but our scheduales were soo different, plus I was terrified.  She was all I wanted, she was a woman.  How could I explain this to my family, was it ok to kiss her in public like that. I broke up with herafter about a month.  I wanted to her to ask me why and talk abotu it and make it ok, but she wasn’t ready for that.  so we broke up, I would drive thru her job just to see if I could talk to her, she wouldn’t return my phone calls so I
thought that was it, it was over for good and she would never talk to me again.  Two months later she called me and we talked for hours.  And the rest is three year history.  It was like the universe introduced us 7 years ago.  Just so we would know who each other were.  I had a baby not by choice and baby daddy disapeared off the face of the earth.  And then when the timing was right boom we meet again.  She was everything I needed and wanted.  Stable, butchy, cute and perfect in every way.  Although I can’t describe what she thought of me, I was single, had a son (which she always had wanted), free of baby daddy drama and I had a good job, not to mention I was a femme.  And my son who is the third piece to the puzzle fell in love just as deep as I had.  I always promised that if he didn’t like who I was with even the slightest I would end the relationship.  But he LOVED her.  Shortly after  she started spendnig more time with us and things became serious, he called her daddy.  He walked into the room and said “your my daddy”, when we tried to explain she wasn’t and he can call her a mulitude of things, he put us in our place, “you take care of me, play with me and love me” and then after we tried to say that she could do those things and be called something else he said “I already have a mommy so your my daddy” and that was that. counselors and specialist opinions later, this is ok.  as long as she fills the basic daddy functions, it’s his choice. His choice was my final sign that this was the person for me.  Some may say that letting your child pick your life partner is silly, but he is my ulimate responsability.  He is who I live for.  And I can’t put him thru a life of his mommy being a lesbian and a step parent he can’t stand. It’s not fair to him.  Plus he is as much of a part in my relationship as I am.  So why wouldn’t I let him chose? And he chose perfect. Anyway, I won’t bore you with anymore sappy love shit. but I love her.

Besides it’s my anniversary, I’m allowed to hugs and kisses

-Joi

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February 27, 2008. Tags: , , , , . coping, Feelings, HPV, lesbian, Love.

2 Comments

  1. Suzanne Patrick replied:

    Wow! I just read your site (after I wrote my last post).

    Thank you sooo much for this site and for being open about this and by doing so helping others. You have helped me more than anything since I found out 2 1/2 years ago. I feel like we share sooo much of the same things!!!

    I have had no relief and have felt totally all alone and isolated. Thank you for everything you’ve shared!!!! You may have saved my life.

  2. joi replied:

    Thank you soo much for your kind words. It means soo much. Just as I write this to let others they are not alone, it’s soo nice to know that either am I. Writing this site has saved my life. Your not alone. I promise.

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