Wow, it’s been a while

Not too much to post lately, although I do have a folder full of articles to post.  I will get to them by tomorrow I promise.

Updates though….

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May 22, 2008. Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, Test Results. 2 comments.

Putting it off.

Not too much going on lately.  Things have been pretty quiet.  I had my period a week ago and it was my most painful one yet since my leep, that kind of scares me.  I’ve been putting off calling my Ob to schedule my pap, I’m almost due.  i really should call.  I’m scared.  I keep getting told that the percentage of women who “replapse” or show more Dysplasia is small, but so far, thru this whole thing I’ve been in that small percentage.  For once I want to be in that big percentage.  I’m crossing my fingers.  I guess I’ll make the call today.  I have too.  It’s getting late.

April 18, 2008. Tags: , , . coping, Doc Appointments, HPV, information, Test Results. Leave a comment.

What to do while you wait

Oddly enough when I check my stats for this blog I get alot search result links for “what to do while you wait for HPV results”.  So I thought maybe a list would help us.  I know I’ve been havin the occasional anxiety attack about what’s next.  I’m teriffied about my next pap and the wait to see if the HPV is still active or worse yet, what if they find something abnormal again?

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April 1, 2008. Tags: , , , , , . Doc Appointments, HPV, Test Results, Uncategorized. 7 comments.

It’s like the night before christmas

Withdraw

and all through the house, it was calm, and it was quiet and everything seems normal.

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March 23, 2008. Tags: , , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, having a baby, HPV, lesbian, Love, Test Results. Leave a comment.

Test results

I just got back from the doctors.  They upgraded the Displaysia to CINIII which was scary BUT they got everything.  So it’s gone.  I still have and will have HPV.  I go for my next pap in 6 months.  I feel alot better.  I mean it’s scary to know I was that close.  And it’s scary to think it might come back.  It’s scary to not know how it will come back if it does.  But thats sooo far into the future.  Right now I’m ok, and for me thats all that matters.  I’m no going o stop blogging.  I will keep blogging news I read and any more info I can possibly dig up.  But for now, thank you soo much for reading all of my posts and giving as much feedback as you have.  🙂

February 13, 2008. Tags: , , , . Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, news, Test Results. 3 comments.

I’m back!

The inernet is FINALLY back up!!!  I go for my follow up and results today.  My partner also goes for her booster to the vaccine.  I am definatly a little nervous.  I had sex last night/early this morning and I bled a litle bit.  I had tons of cramping afterwards too, As soon as I orgasmed it felt like someone put a knife throughthe right side of my pelvis.  I plan on brining it up today a the doctors office.  Also and I don’t know if it’s related to this or not, but my hormones have been completly out of whack.  I’ve been having intense mood swings and when I had my period last week I grew more than the normal one or two, chin hairs.  And this past period hurt like hell.  it could just be my body telling me to fuck off.  First I had my LEEP, he same day I felt better I got the flu, then just as that started to go away I got my period, now I think I have some kind of bronchitis or such, my throat has been sore for almost two weeks and I’ve been losing my voice.  I just want one day that I feel normal and ok.  One day that I don’t feel like someone shit on me.  Just one day.

Everything elseis ok.  Our son is awesome and cuter than ever, My partner and I are awesome.  I finally have a group of really close friends that I can’t ge enough of.

February 13, 2008. Tags: , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, sex. Leave a comment.

Emergancy Doctors appoinment

I know I was jus complaining.  And your probably sick of hearing about it.

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January 30, 2008. Tags: , , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, HPV, Test Results. 2 comments.

Leep Done, almost there

Well the LEEP is done.  It wasn’ as bad as I thouht.  The pain so far is only a bit unbearable.  Mostly i’s he crampin which is hard for me because I’m not bleeding, yet.  Lots of bed rest and plenty of lovin from my partner and our son is wha has otten me throuh the day.  More updaes later I promise.

January 23, 2008. Tags: , , , . Doc Appointments, HPV, Love. 1 comment.

Good Morning and good luck

Please excuse any typos.  I have to hurry before I lose my internet and my T is working up so someimes it migh not work.

Anyway….

Tomorrow is my LEEP. I have o be a he surgery center at 10 am.  My partner and mom will be there with me.  I’m scared.  I know I shouldn’t be because women ge this done everyday.  But I’m scared because of he position of my cervix and because I’m terrified of he test results.  So to keep my mind off things here are some aricles from my support groups.  Enjoy.  And again, Thank you for all of your support!

January 21, 2008. Tags: , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV. Leave a comment.

Lost somewhere in cyberspace

I am sooooo sorry I haven’t been updating.  I lost my internet connection and was just able to grab a wireless signal from outside.

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January 12, 2008. Tags: , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, lesbian, Love, sex, Test Results. Leave a comment.

Update (warning possible TMI lol)

Ok lets see.  I got my coloposcy results.  And although it’s not cancer yet it’s not going away either.  So they are going to have to perform a LEEP. The actual diagnosis is: Moderate Dysplasia (CIN II, HGSIL).  I will post links to all of this by tomorrow night, I promise.  It pretty much means they found precancerous cells and I’m at a stage they don’t want to wait with.  So they are going to take care of it on their own and just get rid of the bad cells.  My pre-op appointment is on January 9th, it should be interesting since they could hardly reach my cervix for the coloposcy, I’m anxious to see how they reach it for this.

It took me a while to post this and I’m sorry but I had to cry it out and read up on it before I felt comfortable posting about it.  The yahoo groups I belong to are awesome.  I found some of my best support (besides my partner, more on that in a second) a person could find anywhere for this.  they are knowledgeable and full of information including experiences.

Now as far as my partner goes,she is soo awesome.  For the past two days we have been having the most amazing sex.  I’m not talking about a roll in the hay, I mean football stadium advertising good. She always manages to do this at the right time.  We’ve experienced things in the past few days we haven’t experienced in the whole time we’ve been together.  And it’s been beautiful, wonderful and soo emotional.  I love this woman and I couldn’t imagine life any other way.   I couldn’t imagine going thru this with anyone else.  She lifts me up when I’m down and brings me to my senses when I am high.  When the doctor called and I broke down and cried, she immediately asked me why I was crying and she got stern with me and explained to me that instead of crying I should be jumping for joy, and she listed all the reasons why.  Like how I’m lucky they caught this now, and how it’s not cancer yet, and how I won’t die from this.  But she said one thing that hasn’t let me get down about this.  Even though I want to have another baby, should this turn into something that will prevent me, she will be my spare parts.  i wish I could explain why this means so much.  But I guess you would have to know her.

I have to run for now, mommy duties do call, but I’ll be back with links, I promise.

December 20, 2007. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, information, lesbian, Love, sex, Test Results. 1 comment.

Aggressive pre-cancerous cells

Thats what I was just told.  The doctor just called with my results from the coloposcy.  I knew it was bad as soon as I saw the number on the caller id.  I just had it done a week ago, it’s too early for results.  She said, “I’m soo sorry, I was hoping for better news, but we found aggressive pre-cancerous cells.  You have to have the leep as soon as possible.”  They don’t see “cancer” but what they do see is bad.  I’ve looked it up, but…. still….

I’ll write more later, I’m a bit pissed, and upset, and a tiny bit confused.

December 18, 2007. Tags: , , , , , , , . Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, Test Results. 1 comment.

MEDICAL WARNING

I’m trying to figure out how I can make this more predominant on my page but for now here goes:

I AM NOT A DOCTOR, NOR DO I PLAY ONE ON T.V.!  PLEASE DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING I SAY AS MEDICAL ADVICE OR AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR MEDICAL ADVICE.  IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE A MEDICAL PROBLEM, SUCH AS HPV AS MENTIONED IN MY BLOG, PLEASE SEE A DOCTOR.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program……..

December 17, 2007. Tags: , , , . Doc Appointments, HPV, information. Leave a comment.

Did you know you could grab a cervix?

Yeah either did I.

So we went for our testig today.  First let me tell you how at my OB’s office we are somewhat famous.  It’s kinda cute.  They all know us and they all know we’re a couple.  So when I made this appointment I made my partners imedietly after mine so that we could hold each others hands.  And the doctors office not only did that but they treated us like we mattered.  They knew we were scared and so they made sure we were taken care of.

We did my coloposcy first.  This is not for pussies.  There are three things you need when going for you coloposcy, 1.  rainbow toe socks (I wore mine and it eased the tension, mine at least, plus made the doc laugh 🙂  ), 2.  a full bladder (the need a sample, noone told me this so I peed before i left the house, mommy manners, and of course I couldn’t even get a drop out), 3.  some gulible persons hand (see below).

If I wasn’t given the gift of a tilted uterus I’m sure this would of been sooo much easier.  But since my uterus and cerivx like to hide, my doctor had to “grab” it and “pull” it closer.  Oh my god.  I never thought I would experience childbirth without the reward at the end. My poor partner had the life squeezed out of her hand.   She was awesome though.  And then my woderful, loving doctor says, I’m going to have to take the sample.  And she tells me it’s going to hurt and she’s sorry and that she will let me know before the “punch”.  I  thought I was going to die.  After all is said and done, it really doesn’t hurt too bad.  A bit of cramping and a bit sore, but ok.  The doctor came back to the room to say my cells were still abnormal so we should have results in a few weeks, I have my result appointment on January 8th.

My partners pap was next.  This poor thing.  For most woman a pap smear is simple, a bit uncomfortable, but doable on your lunch break even.  Not for my baby.  She doesn’t get penetrated and when she does I have to under extreme caution.  She has a very narrow opening and a very small vagina.  Fingers can hurt if done the wrong way.   She tried wiggiling off the table and runinng away, but again my doctor is awesome. She body tackled her and wrestled her to the table, ok not really but she sure as hell got the job done.  Poor thing has been sore since.

I guess thats all, Our day since then has been uneventful, thank god.
Time to make dinner.  🙂

**UPDATE**
For anyone reading this looking to see what their coloposcy is going to entail, The procedure itself isn’t bad.  It was that bad for me because my uterus is tilted. My cervix was out of reach.  Until she grabbed my cervix the procedure was at the most uncomfortable.

December 11, 2007. Tags: , , , , , . Doc Appointments, HPV, information, Love. Leave a comment.

If only this memory could fade

Fail to notice

So the days grow quieter.  We have longer and longer moments when it’s not mentioned.  Its never forgotten though. It’s kind of like knowing the person sitting next to you is wearing a red shit.  You know they are, they know they are, and your pretty sure everyone around you knows
too.  So we don’t talk about it.  Not in a bad way, but in a silent protest as to not let it get to us.  When the words are spoken though we crumble. We tear up and sometimes let those tears wash our face.  We get angry at how we’re not just a number, a percentage, a guestimate.  Even if this goes away on it’s own, we will forever have been and will be just a number.  That hurts.  I hate being a number.  We’re a statistic.

Tomorrow’s the big day, well sort of anyway.  Tomorrow I go for the coloposcy and my partner goes for her annual pap plus vaccination (her first shot in a set of 3).  She gets to be vaccinated.  She’s only 23.  I’m 27, I miss the cut off by one year.  The vaccination won’t “cure” her if she has it.  It will prevent her from getting it if she hasn’t gotten it already.  It will also prevent her from getting it i the future.  I’m soo happy about that.  At least that makes me feel better.  So in about 2 weeks we should have results.  Which means the next two weeks are going to be soo critical.  Thats the scary part.  Knowing that you are waiting for a phone call that will either release all of your stress and worries or crash your world.  So my next update will come tomorrow after my sore ass comes home and crashes, because you know I won’t be able to sleep tonight.  🙂 see ya’ll tomorrow.

By the way.  my visitor status is starting to really climb.  That makes me feel good.  It lets me know that what I’m writing is reaching people.  And that hopefully in those numbers it will mean that maybe one person was helped.  That’s all I want.  Is to be able to help at least one person.

December 10, 2007. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, lesbian, Love, Test Results. 1 comment.

Awesome help in reading Pap results

When I went to the OB on Monday I asked for a copy of my test results.  I want to see them. I want to hold them and look at them.  It makes me feel more in control and not so in the dark.   But reading them can be hard.  Check out this site.  It really lists what I needed to know.  You can google terms not on here.  If you find a more detailed or better site let me know.  I copy and pasted what I found below and the link is on top.

http://www.estronaut.com/a/pap_smear_results_interpretation.htm

Abnormal Pap Smears — Reading Your Results

More after the break

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December 7, 2007. Tags: , , , , , . Doc Appointments, HPV, information, Test Results. 3 comments.

Doctors appointment

I went to the OB today.  It was for an unrealated appointment.  On top of the HPV I have a slight incontinece from childbirth, and I developed a rash from the pads I’ve been using.  So she just checked it and gave me some cream.  I also took the time to badger her with questions.  She explained the stages and the percentages of clearing.  It seemed pretty to the point and made me feel a bit better.  I wont feel completly better though until i have those test results of how far it’s advanced.

I also scored my pap test results.  I definatly have a high risk strain. Which is ok because I probably won’t get any warts but it fucken sucks becasue it means I could get cancer.  That sounds sooo childish I know but for me warts on top of this is like the icing on the cake.  Would I prefer them to cancer hell yes, but if I have to be high risk at least i know my shit will look and feel ok.

December 3, 2007. Tags: , , , . Doc Appointments, HPV. Leave a comment.