It’s like the night before christmas

Withdraw

and all through the house, it was calm, and it was quiet and everything seems normal.

(more…)

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March 23, 2008. Tags: , , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, having a baby, HPV, lesbian, Love, Test Results. Leave a comment.

Almost a week

I’ve still been having a bit of cramping, and I haven’t really bled.  Instead I’m passing grey and black discharge.  It’s gross.  It’s unatural and I hate it.  I feel like I don’t even know my own body.  My follow up is Feburary 13th.  I jus can’t wait for this all to go away.  there’s that word again.  wait.  I hate waiting.

I still don’t have any internet connection.  argghhh….

Sorry for all the negativity today.  I’m just fustrated with everything.  I want my body back.  My siser in-law is pregnant and all I can do is cry about it because we wanted to start trying sooo bad but now, we have to wait.   And hen there’s always this chance I migh not be able to carry.  UGGHH.  Plus I want to have sex sooo bad.  We’ve been as creative as we can but I jsut want to feel her again.  DAMN.

January 28, 2008. Tags: , , , , . coping, Feelings, having a baby, HPV, sex. Leave a comment.

Sometimes two heads are better than one

One thing that has been a constant discussion in my household is whether or not my partner (who is only 23) wants a hysterectomy.  She is very butch and hates getting her period (for more reasons than the obvious).  Plus she never wanted to birth her children.  I have always been against it.  And my main argument was “what if I get cancer and can’t have anymore kids?”  Even with that she said she wanted it.  Then I got HPV and the reasoning’s to keep her uterus became so clear all of the sudden.  Ok I’m not setting myself up for cancer, but Lets just say that was to happen.  Would I be able to carry a baby, possibly if they catch it early enough but most likely not.  but she can and will carry.  We’ve talked about it alot since the “phone call”.  I do know the thought of childbirth still makes her squeamish, but she would do it for me.  I would still pump and prepare my breasts for breastfeeding if possible so I can nurse.  If I couldn’t nurse she would pump so the baby would get breast-milk.  That’s also a big important thing for her.  Breastfeeding.  I breastfed for 2.5 years with my son.  She knows how important it is to me.

Sometimes I wonder if she’s following a script of what to say and do because so far she has been soo amazing.

December 7, 2007. Tags: , , , , , , . Feelings, having a baby, HPV, lesbian, Love. 3 comments.