Putting it off.

Not too much going on lately.  Things have been pretty quiet.  I had my period a week ago and it was my most painful one yet since my leep, that kind of scares me.  I’ve been putting off calling my Ob to schedule my pap, I’m almost due.  i really should call.  I’m scared.  I keep getting told that the percentage of women who “replapse” or show more Dysplasia is small, but so far, thru this whole thing I’ve been in that small percentage.  For once I want to be in that big percentage.  I’m crossing my fingers.  I guess I’ll make the call today.  I have too.  It’s getting late.

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April 18, 2008. Tags: , , . coping, Doc Appointments, HPV, information, Test Results. Leave a comment.

Day 3

I’m hurting sooo bad.  But I can’t blame it all on the LEEP.  Yesterday morning I fell down about 3 stairs and so now I’m in soooooo much pain it’s rediculous but sill nothing more than spotting.  I figured out the hardest part of all of this.  It’s the waiting.  The waiting to see if it’s gone.  Waiting to see if they got it all.  Waiting to have sex again.  Waiting to be able to just move on.  I thought about what I would do with this blog once the waiting was over and I finally came to the conclusion that I am going to follow HPV and just inform as many people as I can.  Keep posting information and news.  I appreciate everyones comments.  Thank you soooo much.

January 24, 2008. Tags: , , , , . Feelings, HPV, information, news, sex, Test Results. Leave a comment.

Marijuana Ingredients Slow Invasion by Cervical and Lung Cancer Cells

This is my favorite article.

Marijuana Ingredients Slow Invasion by Cervical and Lung Cancer Cells

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January 21, 2008. Tags: , , , . HPV, information, news. 1 comment.

Update (warning possible TMI lol)

Ok lets see.  I got my coloposcy results.  And although it’s not cancer yet it’s not going away either.  So they are going to have to perform a LEEP. The actual diagnosis is: Moderate Dysplasia (CIN II, HGSIL).  I will post links to all of this by tomorrow night, I promise.  It pretty much means they found precancerous cells and I’m at a stage they don’t want to wait with.  So they are going to take care of it on their own and just get rid of the bad cells.  My pre-op appointment is on January 9th, it should be interesting since they could hardly reach my cervix for the coloposcy, I’m anxious to see how they reach it for this.

It took me a while to post this and I’m sorry but I had to cry it out and read up on it before I felt comfortable posting about it.  The yahoo groups I belong to are awesome.  I found some of my best support (besides my partner, more on that in a second) a person could find anywhere for this.  they are knowledgeable and full of information including experiences.

Now as far as my partner goes,she is soo awesome.  For the past two days we have been having the most amazing sex.  I’m not talking about a roll in the hay, I mean football stadium advertising good. She always manages to do this at the right time.  We’ve experienced things in the past few days we haven’t experienced in the whole time we’ve been together.  And it’s been beautiful, wonderful and soo emotional.  I love this woman and I couldn’t imagine life any other way.   I couldn’t imagine going thru this with anyone else.  She lifts me up when I’m down and brings me to my senses when I am high.  When the doctor called and I broke down and cried, she immediately asked me why I was crying and she got stern with me and explained to me that instead of crying I should be jumping for joy, and she listed all the reasons why.  Like how I’m lucky they caught this now, and how it’s not cancer yet, and how I won’t die from this.  But she said one thing that hasn’t let me get down about this.  Even though I want to have another baby, should this turn into something that will prevent me, she will be my spare parts.  i wish I could explain why this means so much.  But I guess you would have to know her.

I have to run for now, mommy duties do call, but I’ll be back with links, I promise.

December 20, 2007. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, information, lesbian, Love, sex, Test Results. 1 comment.

MEDICAL WARNING

I’m trying to figure out how I can make this more predominant on my page but for now here goes:

I AM NOT A DOCTOR, NOR DO I PLAY ONE ON T.V.!  PLEASE DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING I SAY AS MEDICAL ADVICE OR AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR MEDICAL ADVICE.  IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE A MEDICAL PROBLEM, SUCH AS HPV AS MENTIONED IN MY BLOG, PLEASE SEE A DOCTOR.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program……..

December 17, 2007. Tags: , , , . Doc Appointments, HPV, information. Leave a comment.

Did you know you could grab a cervix?

Yeah either did I.

So we went for our testig today.  First let me tell you how at my OB’s office we are somewhat famous.  It’s kinda cute.  They all know us and they all know we’re a couple.  So when I made this appointment I made my partners imedietly after mine so that we could hold each others hands.  And the doctors office not only did that but they treated us like we mattered.  They knew we were scared and so they made sure we were taken care of.

We did my coloposcy first.  This is not for pussies.  There are three things you need when going for you coloposcy, 1.  rainbow toe socks (I wore mine and it eased the tension, mine at least, plus made the doc laugh 🙂  ), 2.  a full bladder (the need a sample, noone told me this so I peed before i left the house, mommy manners, and of course I couldn’t even get a drop out), 3.  some gulible persons hand (see below).

If I wasn’t given the gift of a tilted uterus I’m sure this would of been sooo much easier.  But since my uterus and cerivx like to hide, my doctor had to “grab” it and “pull” it closer.  Oh my god.  I never thought I would experience childbirth without the reward at the end. My poor partner had the life squeezed out of her hand.   She was awesome though.  And then my woderful, loving doctor says, I’m going to have to take the sample.  And she tells me it’s going to hurt and she’s sorry and that she will let me know before the “punch”.  I  thought I was going to die.  After all is said and done, it really doesn’t hurt too bad.  A bit of cramping and a bit sore, but ok.  The doctor came back to the room to say my cells were still abnormal so we should have results in a few weeks, I have my result appointment on January 8th.

My partners pap was next.  This poor thing.  For most woman a pap smear is simple, a bit uncomfortable, but doable on your lunch break even.  Not for my baby.  She doesn’t get penetrated and when she does I have to under extreme caution.  She has a very narrow opening and a very small vagina.  Fingers can hurt if done the wrong way.   She tried wiggiling off the table and runinng away, but again my doctor is awesome. She body tackled her and wrestled her to the table, ok not really but she sure as hell got the job done.  Poor thing has been sore since.

I guess thats all, Our day since then has been uneventful, thank god.
Time to make dinner.  🙂

**UPDATE**
For anyone reading this looking to see what their coloposcy is going to entail, The procedure itself isn’t bad.  It was that bad for me because my uterus is tilted. My cervix was out of reach.  Until she grabbed my cervix the procedure was at the most uncomfortable.

December 11, 2007. Tags: , , , , , . Doc Appointments, HPV, information, Love. Leave a comment.

Some more links for you

For some more reading and more support try this page:
http://www.thehpvtest.com/
it was sent to me via a comment and I’m checing it out now.  So far it seems to
be extremly helpful and informative.  Youll also find others like me on there.  Let me know how you like it

For some even more reading with some technical jargon but tons of info check out:
http://www.aegis.com/pubs/gmhc/1992/GM060707.html

December 7, 2007. Tags: , , . HPV, information. Leave a comment.

My risk factors

This was sooo a subject I was trying to avoid.  I didn’t want to go here.  I didn’t want the lectures or the stats thrown at me but here goes.  I promised I would be open and honest.  I want to be able to look at my blog a year from now and know that by me being completly honest helped someone.  Even if it was one person.

I smoke, I smoke a half a pack to a full pack a day.  I do this because I’m addicted
and because I’m stressed (more about that in a second). And to be honest smoking has actually helped soooooo much.  But in the long run that will kill me.

I am stressed.  So stressed and that hinders your body from fighting this off and
can cause flare ups.  The stress
I’ve been under for the past month is unbearable.  I don’t want to drag my other problems into this
blog so I haven’t posted my other
life issues on here.
Just know that I’m super stressed.  If you read my phone call
blog you’ll read that my marriage was on the mend.
That alone has cause severe panic attacks.  I need to be calm and it’s soo hard. Smoking helps with this.  But
smoking like I stated above can do more harm sometimes than good.  Right now I’m searching for ways to
handle stress without smoking.  Have any ideas?  Feel free to share.

So those along with things like my diet is horrible, I’m overweight, cancer runs in my family at points
(not cervical but other forms) All those things scare me.

Ok so I know thelectures are coming.  Quit smoking meditate.  Eat better.
Yeah I know, I know.  I’m tryin guys.

December 7, 2007. Tags: , , , , . Feelings, HPV, information. Leave a comment.

Awesome help in reading Pap results

When I went to the OB on Monday I asked for a copy of my test results.  I want to see them. I want to hold them and look at them.  It makes me feel more in control and not so in the dark.   But reading them can be hard.  Check out this site.  It really lists what I needed to know.  You can google terms not on here.  If you find a more detailed or better site let me know.  I copy and pasted what I found below and the link is on top.

http://www.estronaut.com/a/pap_smear_results_interpretation.htm

Abnormal Pap Smears — Reading Your Results

More after the break

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December 7, 2007. Tags: , , , , , . Doc Appointments, HPV, information, Test Results. 3 comments.

Those Stats and Info

I know I promised these so here they are:

(just for INFO, I have a high risk type, which one exactly I will find out in about 3 weeks once my test results come back.
I do not have warts as of now)

Cancer.gov

Definition:
HPV
Human papillomavirus. A member of a family of viruses that can cause abnormal tissue growth (for example, genital warts) and other changes to cells. Infection with certain types of HPV increases the risk of developing cervical cancer. Also called human papillomavirus.

More after the break

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December 5, 2007. Tags: , , , , , . HPV, information, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.