Wow, it’s been a while

Not too much to post lately, although I do have a folder full of articles to post.  I will get to them by tomorrow I promise.

Updates though….

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May 22, 2008. Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, Test Results. 2 comments.

Putting it off.

Not too much going on lately.  Things have been pretty quiet.  I had my period a week ago and it was my most painful one yet since my leep, that kind of scares me.  I’ve been putting off calling my Ob to schedule my pap, I’m almost due.  i really should call.  I’m scared.  I keep getting told that the percentage of women who “replapse” or show more Dysplasia is small, but so far, thru this whole thing I’ve been in that small percentage.  For once I want to be in that big percentage.  I’m crossing my fingers.  I guess I’ll make the call today.  I have too.  It’s getting late.

April 18, 2008. Tags: , , . coping, Doc Appointments, HPV, information, Test Results. Leave a comment.

What to do while you wait

Oddly enough when I check my stats for this blog I get alot search result links for “what to do while you wait for HPV results”.  So I thought maybe a list would help us.  I know I’ve been havin the occasional anxiety attack about what’s next.  I’m teriffied about my next pap and the wait to see if the HPV is still active or worse yet, what if they find something abnormal again?

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April 1, 2008. Tags: , , , , , . Doc Appointments, HPV, Test Results, Uncategorized. 7 comments.

It’s like the night before christmas

Withdraw

and all through the house, it was calm, and it was quiet and everything seems normal.

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March 23, 2008. Tags: , , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, having a baby, HPV, lesbian, Love, Test Results. Leave a comment.

Test results

I just got back from the doctors.  They upgraded the Displaysia to CINIII which was scary BUT they got everything.  So it’s gone.  I still have and will have HPV.  I go for my next pap in 6 months.  I feel alot better.  I mean it’s scary to know I was that close.  And it’s scary to think it might come back.  It’s scary to not know how it will come back if it does.  But thats sooo far into the future.  Right now I’m ok, and for me thats all that matters.  I’m no going o stop blogging.  I will keep blogging news I read and any more info I can possibly dig up.  But for now, thank you soo much for reading all of my posts and giving as much feedback as you have.  🙂

February 13, 2008. Tags: , , , . Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, news, Test Results. 3 comments.

Emergancy Doctors appoinment

I know I was jus complaining.  And your probably sick of hearing about it.

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January 30, 2008. Tags: , , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, HPV, Test Results. 2 comments.

Day 3

I’m hurting sooo bad.  But I can’t blame it all on the LEEP.  Yesterday morning I fell down about 3 stairs and so now I’m in soooooo much pain it’s rediculous but sill nothing more than spotting.  I figured out the hardest part of all of this.  It’s the waiting.  The waiting to see if it’s gone.  Waiting to see if they got it all.  Waiting to have sex again.  Waiting to be able to just move on.  I thought about what I would do with this blog once the waiting was over and I finally came to the conclusion that I am going to follow HPV and just inform as many people as I can.  Keep posting information and news.  I appreciate everyones comments.  Thank you soooo much.

January 24, 2008. Tags: , , , , . Feelings, HPV, information, news, sex, Test Results. Leave a comment.

Lost somewhere in cyberspace

I am sooooo sorry I haven’t been updating.  I lost my internet connection and was just able to grab a wireless signal from outside.

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January 12, 2008. Tags: , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, lesbian, Love, sex, Test Results. Leave a comment.

Relieved

Oddly enough the arrival of my period today, as painful as it is, made me feel better today.  It’s nice to know at least my bodys working down there.  But at the same time, the horrible, I can’t even sit up cramps I get and the huge clots and heavy bleeding I always get make me wonder if it’s a sign of something worse.  I’m trying hard not to think that way.

On an upside, this morning while I was dropping our son off at school, I was talking to another mother, well grandmother, who told me that her daughter JUST went thru the EXACT same thing.  I started to tell her about HPV and then she told me abotu her daughter and it was like listening to her talk about me.  her daughter had the LEEP done in the end of November and they are almost positive they got all the precancerous cells.  which made me feel sooooooo better.  She was in the same stage as me and everything was similar, the ONLY difference is that her daughter knew about the HPV for a while now and she stayed stage one for a long time and then one day popped up as stage two during a check up pap smear.  but I don’t want to think more of it because if I would of had my pap on time I probably would of known sooner too.

So despite this horrible pain I’m in, today is a good day.  I feel AWESOME!

December 20, 2007. Tags: , , , . Feelings, HPV, Test Results, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Update (warning possible TMI lol)

Ok lets see.  I got my coloposcy results.  And although it’s not cancer yet it’s not going away either.  So they are going to have to perform a LEEP. The actual diagnosis is: Moderate Dysplasia (CIN II, HGSIL).  I will post links to all of this by tomorrow night, I promise.  It pretty much means they found precancerous cells and I’m at a stage they don’t want to wait with.  So they are going to take care of it on their own and just get rid of the bad cells.  My pre-op appointment is on January 9th, it should be interesting since they could hardly reach my cervix for the coloposcy, I’m anxious to see how they reach it for this.

It took me a while to post this and I’m sorry but I had to cry it out and read up on it before I felt comfortable posting about it.  The yahoo groups I belong to are awesome.  I found some of my best support (besides my partner, more on that in a second) a person could find anywhere for this.  they are knowledgeable and full of information including experiences.

Now as far as my partner goes,she is soo awesome.  For the past two days we have been having the most amazing sex.  I’m not talking about a roll in the hay, I mean football stadium advertising good. She always manages to do this at the right time.  We’ve experienced things in the past few days we haven’t experienced in the whole time we’ve been together.  And it’s been beautiful, wonderful and soo emotional.  I love this woman and I couldn’t imagine life any other way.   I couldn’t imagine going thru this with anyone else.  She lifts me up when I’m down and brings me to my senses when I am high.  When the doctor called and I broke down and cried, she immediately asked me why I was crying and she got stern with me and explained to me that instead of crying I should be jumping for joy, and she listed all the reasons why.  Like how I’m lucky they caught this now, and how it’s not cancer yet, and how I won’t die from this.  But she said one thing that hasn’t let me get down about this.  Even though I want to have another baby, should this turn into something that will prevent me, she will be my spare parts.  i wish I could explain why this means so much.  But I guess you would have to know her.

I have to run for now, mommy duties do call, but I’ll be back with links, I promise.

December 20, 2007. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, information, lesbian, Love, sex, Test Results. 1 comment.

Aggressive pre-cancerous cells

Thats what I was just told.  The doctor just called with my results from the coloposcy.  I knew it was bad as soon as I saw the number on the caller id.  I just had it done a week ago, it’s too early for results.  She said, “I’m soo sorry, I was hoping for better news, but we found aggressive pre-cancerous cells.  You have to have the leep as soon as possible.”  They don’t see “cancer” but what they do see is bad.  I’ve looked it up, but…. still….

I’ll write more later, I’m a bit pissed, and upset, and a tiny bit confused.

December 18, 2007. Tags: , , , , , , , . Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, Test Results. 1 comment.

If only this memory could fade

Fail to notice

So the days grow quieter.  We have longer and longer moments when it’s not mentioned.  Its never forgotten though. It’s kind of like knowing the person sitting next to you is wearing a red shit.  You know they are, they know they are, and your pretty sure everyone around you knows
too.  So we don’t talk about it.  Not in a bad way, but in a silent protest as to not let it get to us.  When the words are spoken though we crumble. We tear up and sometimes let those tears wash our face.  We get angry at how we’re not just a number, a percentage, a guestimate.  Even if this goes away on it’s own, we will forever have been and will be just a number.  That hurts.  I hate being a number.  We’re a statistic.

Tomorrow’s the big day, well sort of anyway.  Tomorrow I go for the coloposcy and my partner goes for her annual pap plus vaccination (her first shot in a set of 3).  She gets to be vaccinated.  She’s only 23.  I’m 27, I miss the cut off by one year.  The vaccination won’t “cure” her if she has it.  It will prevent her from getting it if she hasn’t gotten it already.  It will also prevent her from getting it i the future.  I’m soo happy about that.  At least that makes me feel better.  So in about 2 weeks we should have results.  Which means the next two weeks are going to be soo critical.  Thats the scary part.  Knowing that you are waiting for a phone call that will either release all of your stress and worries or crash your world.  So my next update will come tomorrow after my sore ass comes home and crashes, because you know I won’t be able to sleep tonight.  🙂 see ya’ll tomorrow.

By the way.  my visitor status is starting to really climb.  That makes me feel good.  It lets me know that what I’m writing is reaching people.  And that hopefully in those numbers it will mean that maybe one person was helped.  That’s all I want.  Is to be able to help at least one person.

December 10, 2007. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, lesbian, Love, Test Results. 1 comment.

Awesome help in reading Pap results

When I went to the OB on Monday I asked for a copy of my test results.  I want to see them. I want to hold them and look at them.  It makes me feel more in control and not so in the dark.   But reading them can be hard.  Check out this site.  It really lists what I needed to know.  You can google terms not on here.  If you find a more detailed or better site let me know.  I copy and pasted what I found below and the link is on top.

http://www.estronaut.com/a/pap_smear_results_interpretation.htm

Abnormal Pap Smears — Reading Your Results

More after the break

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December 7, 2007. Tags: , , , , , . Doc Appointments, HPV, information, Test Results. 3 comments.