Test results

I just got back from the doctors.  They upgraded the Displaysia to CINIII which was scary BUT they got everything.  So it’s gone.  I still have and will have HPV.  I go for my next pap in 6 months.  I feel alot better.  I mean it’s scary to know I was that close.  And it’s scary to think it might come back.  It’s scary to not know how it will come back if it does.  But thats sooo far into the future.  Right now I’m ok, and for me thats all that matters.  I’m no going o stop blogging.  I will keep blogging news I read and any more info I can possibly dig up.  But for now, thank you soo much for reading all of my posts and giving as much feedback as you have.  🙂

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February 13, 2008. Tags: , , , . Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, news, Test Results. 3 comments.

I’m back!

The inernet is FINALLY back up!!!  I go for my follow up and results today.  My partner also goes for her booster to the vaccine.  I am definatly a little nervous.  I had sex last night/early this morning and I bled a litle bit.  I had tons of cramping afterwards too, As soon as I orgasmed it felt like someone put a knife throughthe right side of my pelvis.  I plan on brining it up today a the doctors office.  Also and I don’t know if it’s related to this or not, but my hormones have been completly out of whack.  I’ve been having intense mood swings and when I had my period last week I grew more than the normal one or two, chin hairs.  And this past period hurt like hell.  it could just be my body telling me to fuck off.  First I had my LEEP, he same day I felt better I got the flu, then just as that started to go away I got my period, now I think I have some kind of bronchitis or such, my throat has been sore for almost two weeks and I’ve been losing my voice.  I just want one day that I feel normal and ok.  One day that I don’t feel like someone shit on me.  Just one day.

Everything elseis ok.  Our son is awesome and cuter than ever, My partner and I are awesome.  I finally have a group of really close friends that I can’t ge enough of.

February 13, 2008. Tags: , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, sex. Leave a comment.

Emergancy Doctors appoinment

I know I was jus complaining.  And your probably sick of hearing about it.

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January 30, 2008. Tags: , , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, HPV, Test Results. 2 comments.

Almost a week

I’ve still been having a bit of cramping, and I haven’t really bled.  Instead I’m passing grey and black discharge.  It’s gross.  It’s unatural and I hate it.  I feel like I don’t even know my own body.  My follow up is Feburary 13th.  I jus can’t wait for this all to go away.  there’s that word again.  wait.  I hate waiting.

I still don’t have any internet connection.  argghhh….

Sorry for all the negativity today.  I’m just fustrated with everything.  I want my body back.  My siser in-law is pregnant and all I can do is cry about it because we wanted to start trying sooo bad but now, we have to wait.   And hen there’s always this chance I migh not be able to carry.  UGGHH.  Plus I want to have sex sooo bad.  We’ve been as creative as we can but I jsut want to feel her again.  DAMN.

January 28, 2008. Tags: , , , , . coping, Feelings, having a baby, HPV, sex. Leave a comment.

Good Morning and good luck

Please excuse any typos.  I have to hurry before I lose my internet and my T is working up so someimes it migh not work.

Anyway….

Tomorrow is my LEEP. I have o be a he surgery center at 10 am.  My partner and mom will be there with me.  I’m scared.  I know I shouldn’t be because women ge this done everyday.  But I’m scared because of he position of my cervix and because I’m terrified of he test results.  So to keep my mind off things here are some aricles from my support groups.  Enjoy.  And again, Thank you for all of your support!

January 21, 2008. Tags: , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV. Leave a comment.

Lost somewhere in cyberspace

I am sooooo sorry I haven’t been updating.  I lost my internet connection and was just able to grab a wireless signal from outside.

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January 12, 2008. Tags: , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, lesbian, Love, sex, Test Results. Leave a comment.

Relieved

Oddly enough the arrival of my period today, as painful as it is, made me feel better today.  It’s nice to know at least my bodys working down there.  But at the same time, the horrible, I can’t even sit up cramps I get and the huge clots and heavy bleeding I always get make me wonder if it’s a sign of something worse.  I’m trying hard not to think that way.

On an upside, this morning while I was dropping our son off at school, I was talking to another mother, well grandmother, who told me that her daughter JUST went thru the EXACT same thing.  I started to tell her about HPV and then she told me abotu her daughter and it was like listening to her talk about me.  her daughter had the LEEP done in the end of November and they are almost positive they got all the precancerous cells.  which made me feel sooooooo better.  She was in the same stage as me and everything was similar, the ONLY difference is that her daughter knew about the HPV for a while now and she stayed stage one for a long time and then one day popped up as stage two during a check up pap smear.  but I don’t want to think more of it because if I would of had my pap on time I probably would of known sooner too.

So despite this horrible pain I’m in, today is a good day.  I feel AWESOME!

December 20, 2007. Tags: , , , . Feelings, HPV, Test Results, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Update (warning possible TMI lol)

Ok lets see.  I got my coloposcy results.  And although it’s not cancer yet it’s not going away either.  So they are going to have to perform a LEEP. The actual diagnosis is: Moderate Dysplasia (CIN II, HGSIL).  I will post links to all of this by tomorrow night, I promise.  It pretty much means they found precancerous cells and I’m at a stage they don’t want to wait with.  So they are going to take care of it on their own and just get rid of the bad cells.  My pre-op appointment is on January 9th, it should be interesting since they could hardly reach my cervix for the coloposcy, I’m anxious to see how they reach it for this.

It took me a while to post this and I’m sorry but I had to cry it out and read up on it before I felt comfortable posting about it.  The yahoo groups I belong to are awesome.  I found some of my best support (besides my partner, more on that in a second) a person could find anywhere for this.  they are knowledgeable and full of information including experiences.

Now as far as my partner goes,she is soo awesome.  For the past two days we have been having the most amazing sex.  I’m not talking about a roll in the hay, I mean football stadium advertising good. She always manages to do this at the right time.  We’ve experienced things in the past few days we haven’t experienced in the whole time we’ve been together.  And it’s been beautiful, wonderful and soo emotional.  I love this woman and I couldn’t imagine life any other way.   I couldn’t imagine going thru this with anyone else.  She lifts me up when I’m down and brings me to my senses when I am high.  When the doctor called and I broke down and cried, she immediately asked me why I was crying and she got stern with me and explained to me that instead of crying I should be jumping for joy, and she listed all the reasons why.  Like how I’m lucky they caught this now, and how it’s not cancer yet, and how I won’t die from this.  But she said one thing that hasn’t let me get down about this.  Even though I want to have another baby, should this turn into something that will prevent me, she will be my spare parts.  i wish I could explain why this means so much.  But I guess you would have to know her.

I have to run for now, mommy duties do call, but I’ll be back with links, I promise.

December 20, 2007. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . coping, Doc Appointments, Feelings, HPV, information, lesbian, Love, sex, Test Results. 1 comment.